He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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