so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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