Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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