Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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