i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
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I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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