Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
