Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
