I just pynch a tree in the face
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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