Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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