my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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