worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
