I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
