4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
