If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
