marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
