Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
