apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
there is glitter all over my balls
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize