tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
