Pappa wants mamma naked
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
