You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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