I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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