I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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