Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Randomize
