Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
