Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
