worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
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He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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