Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
