I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I lost the right to judge tonight
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize