Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
