I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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