she woke up with a sticky ear
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
