Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
