spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
