remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
