Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
