I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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