i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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