Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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