Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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