I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
