I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
