apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
