We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
