i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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