dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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