She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
