What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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