so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize