my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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