Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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