remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Randomize