Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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