she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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