I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
