I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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