I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
