Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
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Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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