I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i drank out of a bidet.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
