Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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