some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
