her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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